nolens volens

I think I'm getting somewhere.

"smart is not a four-letter word. that would be smar."

I MISS DARIA


'Alright, you figured me out. He's a senior who carves words into his arm. Together we're hoping to buck the trend in teen marriages.'

vision blurred

Some interesting 'failures' from the black & white film I used shooting the Horrors at the London Forum last December.

Taken using Nikon N60 (no flash) - Ilford HP5 35mm

you can never have too many pancakes

All images from Asian Drill Pop.
The weird and wonderful world of Japanese 45 sleeves.

falling and laughing

You say that there's a thousand like you
Maybe that's true
I fell for you and nobody else
So I'm standing here so lonely
What can I do
But learn to laugh at myself
Falling and Laughing - Orange Juice

Paintings by Jeremy Geddes

Fiona: I can understand why you're angry, Marcus. But I don't feel the same as I did yesterday, if it's any help.
Marcus: What? It's all gone away? All that?
Fiona: No, but, for the moment, I feel better.
Marcus: The moment's no good for me. I can see you feel better at the moment. You just put the kettle on. What happens when you finish your tea?

Dialogue from About A Boy

(This post, as ever, is a mish-mash of the words and imagination of other people, while my own takes a bit of time out to readjust. These snippets have no visible connection, so I'll explain why they're there in case some deep meaning could be construed that really doesn't exist at all [or maybe it does and I just haven't noticed]. The song popped into my head when I came across the paintings, because I wasn't sure at first whether the figures were falling or flying - which my brain then naturally connected with the song Falling and Laughing. Referencing About A Boy with those ideas in mind stems from reading an interview with Nicholas Hoult in the Observer Magazine earlier today and remembering what a great film it is. Nick Hornby wrote the novel, which deals with the hefty subject of suicide, and falling figures are fairly inextricably linked with that [to me at least]. And I just liked the sentiment of not really knowing what might happen when you finish your tea. All very simple really.)

you get up and sleep

It's Monday
Slither down the greasy pipe
So far so good no one saw you
Hobble over any freeway
You will be like your dreams tonight

You get up and sleep
You get up and sleep
Joe the lion
Made of iron

You get up and sleep
The wind blows on your check
The day laughs in your face
Guess you'll buy a gun
You'll buy it secondhand
You'll get up and sleep

Joe the Lion - David Bowie

positive thinking is a scam

'We are told to see the glass half full even when it lies shattered on the floor'.

January is the root of all evil.

la vita è bella

the serendipitous nature of existence

It's hard to imagine two more different; innate calmness and stoicism are not the obvious match for unstoppable cheerful verbosity. How do these things occur? Evacuate or stay; one leaves for a quiet year among the haystacks, the other hides under the stairs with innumerable siblings, counting with a sense of exhilaration the number of seconds until impact. The war seems like marvellous fun. When the end comes - the final end, VJ day, when the church bells were silent and the vicars voice trembled - there's a missing date. He's gone to see his friend in hospital (TB, they say it's bad). Some time later at the bowling alley, said friend appears resplendent in a pinstripe suit too large for such a skinny frame, only recently released from the ward.

"That's Glenys, don't you know her?"

"No, but I'm going to!"

B-movies, avant-garde jazz, the endless slope of Bristol. "Coo-artin'" is a delicate process of course. Tie the knot why not, Oxford, and then perhaps a couple of children. The first boy has a Bailey button nose, the second sports a more triangular Warren sloping beak. Amid the dreaming spires it's botany and Boots, Byrd and the Bodleian. Skipping on some years, I'm born, adding a third generation to the party. I often wonder if 1955 already knew that was going to happen?

mousetraps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness

Quote from the Dormouse in Alice and Wonderland, photos from somewhere.

Miss Nancy Ellicott smoked
And danced all the modern dances;
And her aunts were not quite sure how they felt about it,
But they knew that it was modern.
Cousin Nancy - T.S.Eliot

like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick

Quiet first few days back in Southampton, I'm trying my best to get my scary workload to a managable level. Why must all the deadlines and exams be in the same two weeks? As ever, my refrain with writing stuff about books I don't completely understand is "Well, I've done it in German!". Even then 1,500 words in German still seems an easier task than 3,000 in English right now. English students are probably supposed to 'get' literature in general, but I think it says something about me that the only book I've related to on a level beyond thinking it was quite a good read is Helen Oyeyemi's The Icarus Girl, about a socially awkward and mentally disturbed 9-year old. To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf? Totally got the wrong of the stick there. Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson? Sure, I enjoyed it, but it didn't knock me flat (which I had been led to believe it would do). I find it difficult to minutely dissect novels I can't muster up much feeling for. Perhaps it's just my state of mind at the moment; I'd like to be enjoying them more than I am, but my brain just ain't playing ball. In the grand scheme of things, exactly how important are these essays anyway.

i've never felt better in my life

There is no culture is my brag,
Your taste for bullshit reveals a lust for a home of office

THIS IS THE HOME OF THE VAIN!
THIS IS THE HOME OF THE VAIN!

Where are the obligatory niggers?*

HEY THERE FUCKFACE!!
HEY THERE FUCKFACE!!

There are twelve people in the world
The rest are paste

THIS IS THE HOME OF THE VAIN!
THIS IS THE HOME OF THE VAIN!

I just left the Hotel Amnesia, I had to go there
Where it is I can't remember,
But now I can remember...now I can remember

HAFTA! HAFTA!
MESSAGE FOR YER! MESSAGE FOR YER!

Too much reliance on girl here
On girls here, behind every shell-actor
Snobbier Snobbier
Too much romantic here
I destroy romantics, actors,
Kill it!
Kill it!

KILL IT!
KILL IT!
KILL IT!

You won't find anything more ridiculous, than this new profile
razor unit, made with the highest British attention to the
wrong detail, become obsolete units surrounded by hail.

THE CLASSICAL!
THE CLASSICAL!
THE CLASSICAL!
HOTEL AGGRO!
MESSAGE FOR YER! MESSAGE FOR YER!
THE CLASSICAL!

POLEAXE!..........one of the millenium of conspiracy,
Forever,
I know it means a lot of stomach gas,

I KNOW IT MEANS A LOT OF STOMACH GASSSSSS

I've never felt better in my life
I've never felt better in my life

POLEAXE!
THE CLASSICAL!

Stomach gas
I've never felt better in my life
I've never felt better in my life

POLEAXE!

Millenium of conspiracy
Play out Classical
I've never felt better in my life
Better in my life....

[* Allegedly this line cost the Fall a record contract with
Motown Records.]

"hlep peple and animals"

Some words of wisdom from Iris (aged 6). These were from our Advent calendar matchboxes that she helped to fill with sweets and tasks for the day.

2010

Happy New Year!

My resolutions for the coming year can be summed up by three words:
Happiness
Creativity
Punctuality

you're a warden's pet, she's a screaming suffragette

After my hugely successful fuzzy felt Cat-Pig that I made Edward as part of his Christmas present (read: it was quite poorly executed and looked rather more piggy than catty), I feel inspired to do more sewing this year. I live very near a huge fabric shop in Southampton so really have no excuse.

Nikon N60 - Fujifilm Superia 400 35mm (ew finger smudge!)

The sewing machine will be going back with me, as will various kitchen items that I've been gathering since I got back. It's surprising how neccessary a ladle is when you don't own one. Another thing on my kitchen wishlist is this one-cup teapot from Zero Japan, which they use at a really lovely cafe called The Larder in Edinburgh on Blackfriar's street off the Royal Mile.

They also had Eteaket's tea 'Blooming Marvellous', which is the nicest green tea I've ever had. Look, flowers!

A final word, again nothing to do with what came before - it's New Years Eve tomorrow, and I have nothing to wear.

all the while we wear a party smile

Pictures (Of Cindy) - Josef K
I’m Gonna Sit Right Down And Write Myself A Letter - Fats Waller

Fireworks 12″ Nigel Gray Mix - Siouxsie And The Banshees

Heroes - TV on the Radio
I Happen To Love You - The Electric Prunes
Long Tall Sally - Little Richard
We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful - Morrissey
Melon Yellow - Slowdive
Strange - Patsy Cline, The Jordanaires
Misty - Robin Guthrie

Things I've been listening to, under the broad umbrella of 'silver lining'.

falling asleep to poirot

I look and feel quite alot like Snorlax right now.

they sold me a dream of christmas

Unbelievably, it's Christmas Eve - I've just come back from playing the organ at church to an indifferent seasonal congregation who didn't sing, and I'm listening to I Believe In Father Christmas by Greg Lake (actually one of my all time favourite songs?). I took these photos around the house a couple of days ago, mainly of the decorations that go up every year without fail.

Nikon N60 - 35mm Fujifilm Superia

Everything will be rather sad tomorrow though I think. My grandma sadly passed away this morning, after an 8-month battle with breast cancer. I'm glad she's no longer in pain. This will be the first Christmas Day spent without her ever though, and it will be very strange without her presence.

Glenys Warren
1932-2009

DEATH IS THE LEAST WE HAVE TO FEAR

Scars - Your Attention Please

From the album Author! Author!, words from the poem of the same name by Peter Porter.

questions over coffee

Kat in her garden - Feb 2009 - Nikon N60 35mm

I have experienced the snow in three different cities in two days:

• The snow in Edinburgh yesterday fell fast on the Royal Mile and was the kind that sticks to your hair and refuses to melt.
  
• This morning in York everything was crunchy white crystals, and there were confused ducks sitting in drifts and protesting loudly, their legs obscured.
  
• My train journey to Kings Cross was at times arduous and slow, but it was vastly more beautiful than usual - I felt like I was in Switzerland when the windows were completely obscured by heavy, billowing clouds of flakes.
  
• London and Beckenham were thinly veiled with a melting blanket of snow, that I doubt will last until Christmas day.

We should never stop enjoying snowfall is the point I think I was trying to make here.